I need a course in language of politeness, of course

    It’s hard to be so unhip.

   I wonder if the world is passing me by or that I’m not in tune with this generation. Or maybe as a retiree I just don’t care.

  But I’ve learned from my friend Jim that “of course’’ is supplanting the traditional “you’re welcome.’’

   He was out to dinner with his spouse when they first noticed the phenomenon. They thanked the hostess for seating them and she replied: “Of course.’’

  A waiter brought ice water and a basket of bread. Their thank-you was answered with “of course.’’

  When they passed the manager on the way out the door, they thanked him too. “Of course.’’

  They knew something was afoot, or was it atongue?

   So what’s appropriate – “you’re welcome’’ or “of course.’’

  “You’re welcome’’ remains the gold standard. It’s formal, it has depth and its weight depends on the sincerity in your voice. There never is room for a touch of sarcasm. “You’re welcome’’ might go to the grave with my generation, but I can’t imagine the greeting card industry switching Thank You notes to Of Course notes anytime soon.

   Options remain. “Of course’’ seems to be the leading challenger and has supplanted “no problem,’’ although NP seems to be the quickest shorthand among texters. “Anytime’’ and “my pleasure’’ are in the mix too. “Sure thing’’ seems folksy but not formal enough.

    “Glad to help’’ seems too wordy in this age of immediacy, along with “don’t mention it.’’

  “Happy to be of service’’ sounds like you’re auditioning for Downton Abbey.

   So I’ll stick with “you’re welcome.’’ It’s substantial, traditional and hearty.

   Of course, we had to measure the “of courses’’ while we were out shopping and running errands. Mary was “of course-ed’’ at the instant oil change garage. We also received that at a hamburger joint.

   It’s become a game to single out the replies. Restaurants seem to be the most fertile ground.

     “The dining group my parents eat with started counting the ‘of courses’,” my friend Jim recounted. “My mother stopped at 10 one night. They hailed the young lady as the ‘of course’ champ.’’

   During another restaurant visit, my former work partner, Kathy Finnegan, pointed out the use of “appreciate you.’’

  “It’s weird,’’ she said. “You haven’t done anything for them to value you, but they insist on ‘appreciate you.’ ”

   These mini-civil wars with language have been going on for decades. I can remember my late mother Eileen tweaking when a waitress approached and said: “What can I get yas?’’ Or “Youse guys.’’

   She had developed the Irish memory – remembering anyone who ever ticked her off. Her dream was to get a job as a waitress. For everyone who ever wronged her, she joked that she would spit in their soup.

   Thankfully, we retired “Where’s the beef?’’ from the 1980s and “you sayin’ you want a piece of me.’’ Gone too are the obnoxious, trite descriptions of every household product, person or Broadway show – “awesome’’ and “amazing.’’

  My pal Jim, of course, went hip on me in a text, inserting a “BTW” (for those of us over 60 that means By The Way).

  “The Gen Z’ers use “of course’’ for both “welcome’’ and “yes,’’ he stated.

  Correct Jim. Whether it’s “bien sur’’ or “por supuesto,” we Baby Boomers have a lot to learn – you dig?

            Morristown native Jim Holleran is a retired teacher and sports editor from Rochester. Reach him at jimholleran29@gmail.com or view past columns under “Reflections of River Rat’’ at https://hollerangetsitwrite.com/blog/